if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
