My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
