Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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