Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I smell like Dick and happiness
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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