FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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