someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
