I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
