I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
