five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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