I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
