i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize