Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
