Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
