There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
