I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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