Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
