I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
