Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
