Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
and i looked up. we had an audience...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Randomize
