Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
