He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Enjoy the penises
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
