i just had sex bonerless
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
