i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
