These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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