I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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