Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
