if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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