Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
