just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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