I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
