Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
