Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if only i could text you this smell
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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