I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
