In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
