I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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