Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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