Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
