I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
