first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You pole danced in your parka.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
