the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
