I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
