During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
