The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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