im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
