Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
