It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
