I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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