yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
did you just send me my own nude
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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