first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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