i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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