Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
