So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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