Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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