This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
