There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
