Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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