go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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