Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she pinky promised me she was 18
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
