Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Buhtt sex?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
