I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize