btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
