someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
