And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Still dying that you shit outside
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My ass is underappreciated
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize