I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize