I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
