hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
