Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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