I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
