So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
