if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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